June 22, 2008

  • Nice guys finish last

    I just finished an article on yahoo stating the reasons why nice guys finish last.  Now, this is contrary to a study done to show that nice guys finish....first.  Well which is it? 

    The article states that the reason why nice guys finish last is that being nice is not anything special.  It's boring for a woman to be involved with a nice guy.  In addition, being nice is perceived as not being confident, desperate, and too pleasing.  Is that really the reason why nice guys get the line, "Oh you're a very nice guy, but I just want to be friends?"

    The curious thing is, I hear ALL THE TIME, "Oh that guy's a jerk.  He doesn't care about me.  He doesn't think of me as anyone special...blah, blah blah."  And then the line..., "Why can't he be more like so-and-so.  He's such a nice guy.  He's always been there for me."  Does anyone not see the strange irony?  The contradiction of desire?

    I'm not a woman, so I don't know what kind of influence estrogen may have on emotional decision making, but if a woman desires someone who will always be there for her, a nice guy in other words, why not date one, instead of clinging to someone who doesn't care.....as much?  I mean, I would think that if people are involved in a relationship then they do care for each other.  Is it because, as the article states, that women are not attracted to nice guys, that there is no chemistry there?  What the hell does that mean?  According to the article, nice guys try to bore a woman into attraction, and this will never work.

    I'll be the first to admit that yes there needs to be a certain spark of interest, but the question is, when do you start to trade the physical attractiveness/confidence for something more?  Notice that I lumped the attractiveness attribute with confidence.  It is inherent that good looking guys have an upper edge than not so looking guys.  It's not to say that confidence impinges on looks, but there is something to it.  Those acne commercials you see on TV might actually have a measure of truth to them.  Anyhow, I digress.

    It appears to me that at some point, a woman wants a "nice" man......just not yet.  The sad thing is, she gets involved in a relationship that does not involve a nice man, but a confident man.  And when she wants the nice man, the person she is with doesn't fit the description....even after a prolonged period of dating.  Well then, it's good thing she has that platonic relationship with the nice man, so that she can get her nice man fix before going back to the confident man (note sarcasm).  You think a woman in such a relationship is being abused?  How about the nice guy?  Isn't he being taken advantage of as well?

    So what do we all take away from this?  I suppose what all this means is that nice guys should be more confident (whatever THAT means), confident guys should be more nice, and that women need to make up their minds on what type of guy she wants.  True, a woman could have both (and probably in the opinion of most women, must have both to be in a serious relationship).  But, if you're choosing to be in a long term relationship, and I say IF because some do not, then what would you rather have AT FIRST?  A guy that you know will be "nice" to you and perhaps can become confident in your eyes, or a guy that is confident, but will have to work in order to be "nice?"