July 20, 2009

  • UPS

    To UPS:
    Again...you do not fail to disappoint.  Friday was the second day of getting your sticky note on my door.  I saw that you were going to try to deliver it again for the third and final time between 10:30AM and 2PM.  Curious.  WHAT IN THE 9 HELLS MAKES YOU THINK THAT I'M GOING TO BE THERE?  If I wasn't there there the first time, nor the second time, why would I be there a third time?  Third time is the delivery charm?  Sorry, but I don't routinely take the middle part of my day off so that I can wait by the door pining for your arrival.  Don't you rotate delivery times so that you increase the chances of finding me at home?

    In the past, I've taken your sticky note to central receiving and picked up my package the same day.  I took the courtesy to call ahead so that you'll have my package ready.  What do I find at your location but pure pandemonium!  It's 9PM and there's 20 people waiting to get their packages.  There's one hipster who's been waiting 1.5 hours for his package, and he had to leave without it.  There are others waiting just as long, shaking their heads at your incompetence.  You justify your tardiness by saying delivery trucks have until 9PM to return to the facility.  Pathetic.  My ticket says that you tried to deliver up to 2PM, and I bet that others have similar tickets.  What were you doing between 2-9PM that could cause packages to be "missing?"

    Then you have the audacity to tell me that I requested will-call pickup service instead of same-day pickup service?  You know full well that my package has already been pulled since I "requested" will-call, but now you tell me that since I didn't call before the cutoff time of  7PM, that I need come back on Monday?  So much for letting you know ahead of time that I'll be dropping by.  Incidentally, there is nothing on your sticky note that says anything about same-day pickup or cutoff times, so how the hell was I supposed to know?

    Oh....wait....your note says:
    Deliveries cannot be scheduled for set times.  Should this time range be inconvenient, go to ups.com and enter the InfoNotice number below in the Track Packages & Freight box to make alternate delivery arrangements before the final attempt is made.

    Is this your "I told you so?"  That I was supposed to make my inconvenience a little less inconvenient?  That instead of waiting potentially 3 hours for my package, you want me to come to your place to pick a package you can't reliable deliver?  What's your job again?  Cause now I'm getting all confused as to what you actually do when your dry-erase buddy comes on TV.  I thought you were a shipping company who's job is to deliver package.  You thought you could assuage my anger by putting some finer print in your sticky?  Wrong.  You just got me angrier. 

    What can Brown do for you?  How about getting my package to me in a timely, efficient manner?  If I do need to pick up a package instead, don't make me come cross-town to get it.  And above all.  Don't piss the customer off.  Is that what they teach you in business school these days?  To piss customers off?  Cause if you continue your shenanigans, I'll show you what'll be brown the next time I come visit you with your sticky note.