I just finished an article on yahoo stating the reasons why nice guys finish last.  Now, this is contrary to a study done to show that nice guys finish....first.  Well which is it? 

The article states that the reason why nice guys finish last is that being nice is not anything special.  It's boring for a woman to be involved with a nice guy.  In addition, being nice is perceived as not being confident, desperate, and too pleasing.  Is that really the reason why nice guys get the line, "Oh you're a very nice guy, but I just want to be friends?"

The curious thing is, I hear ALL THE TIME, "Oh that guy's a jerk.  He doesn't care about me.  He doesn't think of me as anyone special...blah, blah blah."  And then the line..., "Why can't he be more like so-and-so.  He's such a nice guy.  He's always been there for me."  Does anyone not see the strange irony?  The contradiction of desire?

I'm not a woman, so I don't know what kind of influence estrogen may have on emotional decision making, but if a woman desires someone who will always be there for her, a nice guy in other words, why not date one, instead of clinging to someone who doesn't care.....as much?  I mean, I would think that if people are involved in a relationship then they do care for each other.  Is it because, as the article states, that women are not attracted to nice guys, that there is no chemistry there?  What the hell does that mean?  According to the article, nice guys try to bore a woman into attraction, and this will never work.

I'll be the first to admit that yes there needs to be a certain spark of interest, but the question is, when do you start to trade the physical attractiveness/confidence for something more?  Notice that I lumped the attractiveness attribute with confidence.  It is inherent that good looking guys have an upper edge than not so looking guys.  It's not to say that confidence impinges on looks, but there is something to it.  Those acne commercials you see on TV might actually have a measure of truth to them.  Anyhow, I digress.

It appears to me that at some point, a woman wants a "nice" man......just not yet.  The sad thing is, she gets involved in a relationship that does not involve a nice man, but a confident man.  And when she wants the nice man, the person she is with doesn't fit the description....even after a prolonged period of dating.  Well then, it's good thing she has that platonic relationship with the nice man, so that she can get her nice man fix before going back to the confident man (note sarcasm).  You think a woman in such a relationship is being abused?  How about the nice guy?  Isn't he being taken advantage of as well?

So what do we all take away from this?  I suppose what all this means is that nice guys should be more confident (whatever THAT means), confident guys should be more nice, and that women need to make up their minds on what type of guy she wants.  True, a woman could have both (and probably in the opinion of most women, must have both to be in a serious relationship).  But, if you're choosing to be in a long term relationship, and I say IF because some do not, then what would you rather have AT FIRST?  A guy that you know will be "nice" to you and perhaps can become confident in your eyes, or a guy that is confident, but will have to work in order to be "nice?" 

The tiredness continues day in and day out.
With no relief in sight.
Try as I might.
It seems life will not be normal for awhile,
No doubt.
Yet, I continue the struggle,
with no place to huddle.

Tired of life? No that's not true.
Tired of me? Yes, now there's a clue.
Is being all there is to life?
Or do I serve some greater purpose
not seen by my candlelight.

So what am I to do, when it is so dark outside?
When I feel swallowed up in darkness,
like a blind man's helplessness.
Do I wander aimlessly with fingers outstretched?
Or do I pray for deliverance,
from God, who knows best?

Hear my cry, O Lord above,
And protect my wretched soul,
from the dangers of doubt and fear.
Strengthen my resolve,
So that I know that the way is clear,
That no stumbling stone is on my path
to make me falter and gasp.

I am exhausted, Lord.
Help me to sleep.
And in my dreams I hope there,
Thee to meet.
Touch my mind,
Touch my body,
and touch my soul.
And heal this human trinity
like you have ages ago.

So that what tomorrow brings,
I worry not.
But will instead live life boldly,
with my goals on top.

I'm tired......so very tired...

This isn't the type of tired that keeps you from getting up in the morning.  No, it's the kind of tiredness that comes out of time.  It's that old feeling, age really, that takes the essence of all the wrinkles that are gathering on my face.  The time, who's effect can be seen in the generations that have come before me.  It's that mental anguish, that leaves me numb, unstable, senseless.  A tired, that results because I'm trying not to be tired.

I think to myself, why try so hard?  Why not just give in?  In to the criticism around me, to the many faces I choose not to show to others, to inner demons that I constantly push below.  Every person has their breaking point, or so I've heard it said.  So why do I try so hard, to be all that I can be, to push myself to new levels, when it's so much easier to go with the flow, to let things be?

Why do I hold myself to some unknown standard, when all it does is make me fail?  For what purpose is there to constantly try to hold myself together under the bruising punishment of what life has to offer, to go up for a gasp of air, only to find myself flailing underneath murky water?  In water, so dark and cold, that my strength is sapped away.

I'm tired......so very tired.....

I'm watching VH1 and the 100 best songs of the 90's.  What rolls in at number 20?  Mmm Bop.  Yep!  You have to admit that it's a catchy song.  Anyhow, what was cool was the for each of the songs they had a "what are they doing now" segment.  I was surprised to find that Hanson had release several more albums.  I went to Amazon to see what that was all about, and I found their latest album to be all right.  Some of the songs aren't all that great, but there are some that are fantastic. 

Ahahahha...whew that was a good one. 

I get to the yahoo front page to see an article about vertically challenged people.  There was the admission on the female side that they want a man that's taller.  She mentioned that women want to look up to their man....yeah...ok.  But....if they take the time to get to know a man, then height makes no difference.

I don't buy that for a second.  Women want a taller man because women want to look good in heels and can't be seen with a shorter man.  That's why women buy jeans that are too long, because when they go out, they need them to look right.  It is also the reason why if they are not wearing heels, they fold them up.  As for taking the time to get know someone......seriously....women take the time to do that?  If they are not initially drawn physically to someone, how can they take time to get to know someone? 

Now, sure....I speak as a person on the shorter side of the 6 foot standard.  It may very well be that I just don't have what to attract someone my height.  I may not be as confident as I need to be, or maybe it's just because I'm only average looking.  Or....maybe it's because I'm Asian.  Whatever.  Those factors aside, I know that I don't even get a second look because I'm short.  If only it were as simple as women getting to know me better. 

Alright.  I'm getting razzed by people because I listen to the Backstreet Boys (BB), though some have said that's all right, most have said the contrary.  So, I feel that I need to justify my choice of music.  First, I've been partial to the rock ballad, so songs that have ummm.....emotional content resonate with me.  It's not my fault that a lot of the BB songs are full of emotional content.  Second, I really love full sound, meaning that there's more to music than just a bass beat, and spoken words.  There's piano, lots of it, orchestration, little things here and there that fill out the rest of the sound, a moving bass line, harmony, harmony, harmony.  It hearkens back to the days of Chicago, Boston, Queen, and others had that mix of vocals and instrumentation.  Real...Classic...rock.

You've got to admit that their first album (1996) was a hit, and so was their second album.  After all, their second album was up for the best album Grammy (1999).  They built upon what they introduced in their first album which had a pop feel to most of their songs, and made more rock than pop.  The only thing I didn't like too much about the first album and parts of the second album was that generic drum beat.  They could have gotten a bit more creative, which I think they did with the second half of their second album.  That last song?  The Perfect Fan?  How can you NOT like this song?  The clapping in the song, which happens to occur at the peak of emotional content, was timed perfectly.

Then there was their third album (2000)....not as good.  I mean, this album was meant to be edgier, and it is.  Some of the songs on there are great....minus the ones that have that damn generic drum beat.  But this album missed it's mark, and it's not coincidence that the band broke up after this album never to heard from again......

Until 2005.  This was a new sound.  Much more rock, less dance, and even less pop.  This is thing that bugs me the most.  When I talk to people about BB, they automatically assume it's the old stuff.  They don't even know that they came out with new stuff.  And even if they did, they assume it's the same music as the old stuff.  NOT SO.  This album is in my opinion, the best out of all their albums.  It's well orchestrated, lots piano, emotional content, all things I love in songs.  It's even better than their most recent release (2007).

This last one, has more of a dance feel that goes back to some of their first album feel, but still has that rock edge, and well mixed music that puts it above the rest of the albums, save the 2005 release.  And this is one of the main points of this post.  If you haven't listened to the BB recently, then you have no clue what the sound is like now.  They are more mature than they used to be, and think that is a welcome change.  But what did you expect from their first release in 1996 and their most recent  release in 2007?  That's over ten years.  It's bound to change, and it has.  So for you all you nay-sayers out there.  I recommend giving the BB another shot, at least, their last two releases.  If you still think negatively of them....well, at least you're informed. 

Really now....is this the best way to protest the political policy that China has toward Tibet?  Think of what you people are doing.  Not single anyone out, but when I heard of this it was the French that were trying to extinguish the flame.  You want to take the symbolic light, traveling from country to country, calling athletes from all over to be snuffed out?  How selfish!  I agree that a point needs to be made about the treatment of Tibet, but this is not the way.  Protest all you want, but don't be rash, stupid, and selfish about putting out the torch.  The torch isn't about China, it's the about the Olympics, and the world.  Boycott Chinese products.  Don't eat that crab rangoon...whatever.  Just light the light shine.  It's a beacon, calling.  It's a light of hope, that unifies countries at a time when there is much division.  It's a light that brings people out of darkness, and it happens every four years.  So please, leave the torch be.  Let the light SHINE!

You wouldn't believe how much I've wanted baseball season to come around again.  It is a sure sign of spring when pitchers and catchers report, and when baseball starts.  I was a bit bummed that the Yankee game got postponed on Opening day, but I don't really care.  I also drafted my fantasy baseball team today.  Not a bad lineup, and for once, I tried my best not to be partisan.  That's the problem with being a fan, you want to choose the players of your favorite team.  While that could be a good thing, it often clouds judgment.  We'll see how the season goes.

Now, for all you naysayers out there who claim baseball is boring....well, I guess you just need to understand it better.  It really is a patient game, one of few sports where the defense has the ball, and a thinking person's game.  So much more goes behind baseball that the "action," that you really need to stop and appreciate it.  Sure, it could be an excuse to drink for 3-4 hours with friends, but only Cub fans do that.....;). 

So this entry isn't what you think.  It's not a complex synthesis of two of the three participants in the Trinity, but the use of the words.  As a Christian, I find that from time to time I do use God and Jesus....in vain...I suppose, but most of the time substitute with gosh and jeez.  What I don't get are the people who use God and Jesus as mmm, expressive words, but don't believe in either.  Ok, maybe people do believe in God and Jesus, but just aren't too serious about it.  Still, don't the words God and Jesus only have meaning if you believe in them?  It kind of goes along with the idea the there are no atheists in foxholes.  You hope that God is watching over you in a foxhole, but don't really believe in God.  C. S. Lewis provided an interesting observation.  Atheists often cite evil and suffering for the reason why God doesn't exist, but at the same time is angry at God for not existing.  Does that make any sense?  Similarly, why use the God and Jesus as mere words, if you don't believe in them?

I've been told that it's just an expression, but I ask, an expression of what? 

Dagger!  Dagger!  No, no, I'm not screaming "dagger" because I'm playing Dungeons and Dragons and found a really cool dagger.  I'm saying that because I was watching the preview of the next episode of New Amsterdam.  For those that are not familiar with the tv show, it's on Fox, and is about a man who cannot die.....unless he finds the true love of his life, in which case, he gets to grow old....or die.  So, he's been around for awhile and after an encounter with a very attractive ER doctor, he has a heart attack.  Oddly enough, the same doc is who treats and the pronounces him dead at a hospital.  He believes her to be the one, and the two seem mutually attracted to each other. 

Then the bomb.  All is going well, and then out of nowhere comes the words, "meet my husband..."  Wow.  I mean, sure the two where talking with this guy on the side, but husband???  Way...to....lead....the....guy on.  Seriously, that's a dagger in any guy's heart to hear those words after being led down the prim rose path.  It's the same with a girl that doesn't tell a guy that she has a boyfriend.  Ack! 

Anyhow, I'm now curious to see how this one ends.  It's a neat concept, and it's well played by the actors.  I recommend watching this show....in place of Sarah Conner Chronicles....since that was what was in its slot previously.