Seriously.  When will people learn some respect when it comes to religious opinion?  I am genuinely pissed off at someone for the insults they hurled at Christianity.  So, yes I am a Christian.  I'm finding it increasingly hostile to be one in the scientific community.  To be fair, there are some that politely voice their opinion that God does not exist, or profess that there may be a God, but it isn't the Christian God.  Others however are much more harsh and claim that it's all made up.  Now....is this a possibility?  Yes, it could be.  Do believe to be so?  No.  I don't.  Yes, the Bible is a human construction, but that doesn't mean that the ideas within are necessarily outdated. 

I think that the people who rail against Christianity see it as an unchanging, archaic, religion that has no relevance in our world today.  They claim that the Bible is composed of coked out, drunken fools that decided to write some stuff down.  Yes, some of the imagery is vivid, but is it nonsensical rambling?  Seriously, have these people actually read any of the Bible?  Does it sound like some kind of delusion ask Freud claims?  Certainly not.

I was posed the question.  "If I came up to you one day and told you that I got pregnant and that it wasn't because I had sex, would you believe me?  How can you as a scientist believe it?  How can you believe in the Imaculate conception?"  I told her it was a matter of faith.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that her question wasn't anything new.  People in Jesus' time probably didn't believe Mary either.  I also didn't have the heart to tell her that the Imaculate conception was about Jesus, it was about Mary.

Now, it's one thing to attack ones beliefs.  I don't really have a problem with that, even if it's out of ignorance.  But when those attacks start being directed at me?  Now I have a problem.  First of all, you have no idea what my reasons are for believing in Christianity, so don't presume that I'm deluding without hearing me out.   Second, if you're speaking out of ignorance, you its.....questionable, as to whether you can make judgment calls on my personal beliefs, especially if you have wrongly conceived notions about what I believe in.

Gah, I'm sick and tired of this crap.  I'm almost to the point where I understand the religious anger that is so prevalent in radical groups.  Alright...I'm done.  I'll write more about my story another time.  Maybe....just maybe...this will work its way into the conversation.

So I've been developing a storyline for the past couple days.  It combines love, theology, neuroscience, philosophy, and a touch of mythology told by a conversation between myself and a woman while playing chess.  Kinda catchy no?  I haven't quite decided on how to open the story, but the one I currently have has us in the middle of a game.  I'm not sure if I want to be at the end game, or somewhere in the middle because if I start in the middle, then I'm going to have to pull some chess movement terms that I really don't want to research.  Anyways, here's the what I've got so far.

Grayish-blue, or is it bluish gray?  That's how I would describe her eyes.  Yes, I know that it's cliche to describe the eyes as the most captivating aspect of a woman's face, but these eyes are special.  They do more than just accentuate what appears to be a regal visage, for placing a golden circlet upon her head, with her straight, flaxen colored hair flowing behind her, does little to detract from the ancient wisdom that seems to shine forth through her eyes  when I peer into them.  I suppose Athenian eyes would be a apt description and even more appropriate since her name is Sophia De Lamer.  It comes to no surprise then that I wanted those eyes, to see what she sees, to behold that ancient wisdom, especially since I was engaged in a brutal game of chess.....or was it love?
    "Your move," she said with smile, and beguiling twinkle in her eye.   I was forced to break away from her gaze, lest I lose my concentration.
    "Why do you have to look at me like that?"
    "Like what?"
    "Oh you know what I mean.  That mischievous little gaze that undoubtedly led Adam to eat the apple that Eve gave to him way back in the beginning of time."
She giggled, lifted my head up by my chin and said,
    "You mean this gaze," as she locked eyes with mine.
She was close.  As I stared, I could smell the freshness of her perfume, as I remain transfixed for what must have seemed like an eternity.  In reality only a few seconds had passed before I jokingly shielded my face from hers, crying for her to stop.  But  in truth, her gaze might as well been a basilisk's or a Gorgon's.  I was turned into stone for just that instance.  I turned my attention back to the board, wondering if I really had lost my concentration.

Alright,

I ask because times a tickin' and I have immediate family who regularly remind me of the onus of being the firstborn son.  Yes, I feel the pressure of finding someone and getting married, and while pressure is what makes coal into diamonds, pressure will also turn a diamond into dust.  I do want to find that special someone, eventually, and it's not like I'm too busy, really into my work/school, or anything like that.  It's just that most of the people I run into, I'm plain not interested in.  Now, that says I'm a picky person, and for the most part that is true.  But why I am I picky you ask?  Why don't I just go out and meet people and let things take it's course?

The answer is:  I don't casually date.  Well, that's the simple answer.  I don't go out and meet people for the sake of meeting people.  If I want to establish a lasting romantic interest, I take my time and find out if this person really is someone that I truly want to date.  Some people would say that that's the point of dating, to see if you're compatible, and they are right.  But for me, I won't even think about dating someone unless I have at least a few of my interests fulfilled.  I don't think that too much to ask, especially if I'm considering a long term commitment.  I don't want to be the person still considering whether I want to be with a person after an extended period of time.  Ideally, I should be able to spend 2 years at the most to find out if a someone is the one with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

Is the Sisyphusonian method of constantly trying over and over again in multiple relationships really the way to go, and that one day the rock that I've been pushing uphill actually does reach the pinnacle, defying myth?  Or is it more likely that the burden gets too heavy, and I fall rock and all back to the bottom to start all over again?  Is it more practical to instead zig-zag up the sides of a mountain to get to the top?  Is my fundamental approach to romantic relationships fundamentally flawed, causing me to waste time in the process?

I don't know the answer to this question, and according to some, the sands of time are about to run out.  Now I know that practically speaking I really do have time.  I mean, I haven't reached my third decade yet, but nevertheless, that time is soon approaching.  In the meantime though, I must honestly ask myself if I've been wrong in how I approach romantic relationships and open myself to new possibilities.   Because at the current rate I'm proceeding, I will be lucky to married by the time I get to my fourth decade.

It's that time of the year again isn't it?  The time of the year that where relationships are put to the forefront of everyone's lives......except for those that are still single.  That's me.  So...instead, I get to a) live vicariously through the lives of people who do celebrate this Hallmark day, and b) get to remark how I'm not tied down by said day.  It's not like I hate this day like some people.  Rather, I think I would enjoy it more if I had the opportunity.  That said, happy V-day to everyone! 

No lesion.  I went to the dentist today, I mean the student dentist to check out a cavity that could be used to help him graduate.  The initial screening showed a small lesion (cavity).  Just in case, we took additional x-rays to see if it was real and after 6 or so shots, it was determined that it wasn't there.  Now, I'm not one to complain about not getting a free cleaning.  That really wasn't the point.  I really did want to help someone out, and I thought that in the 2-3 years that I haven't seen a dentist, maybe....just maybe....I would have a cavity that could be used.  I actually felt bad because after all that trouble, he wasn't able to use me.  Oh well, what am I to do?  Not brush my teeth?  I'm sure that eventually he'll find the people he needs to graduate.  I just wish I could have helped out.

I've noticed a few things about people in relationships.  The always has the trump card up her sleeve.  She has.....the look.  It comes in two variants.  The first one is the seductive look....aka the come hither look.  I don't see this a whole lot, but I know exists.  The look of annoyance is far more common.  Take for instance this interaction.

I'm playing guitar hero with my roommate.  We're playing pretty well, and on one of our "breaks" the roommate's GF comes up, stands by my bookcase and gives this look at roommate.  All she did was raise her eyebrows, put them back down and stared for a bit.  Then she disappeared back to his room.  Now, I'm not in a relationship, but I know what that look was all about.  That look was the, you coming....or are you going to play guitar hero any longer than I want you to?  The look had that feeling of punishment to it.  I looked over at roommate, and just said, "Let's play one more and call it a night." 

It's not like he was whipped or anything.  It's just that look of annoyance that bothers me.  It's the...you will bend to my will or else look.  The I will not be a fun a person to be around if you play guitar hero over me look.  The you better be beside me in bed in 5 minutes look or else look.  Ack!  Makes me sick.  Don't get me wrong, I like her well enough.  She's cool and all that, but that night, she lost more than a few points in my book, not that she or anyone else would care.

Just let me at them.  Seriously.  I don't mind ignorance.  I really don't, but when ignorance fuels snap decisions, I royally get pissed off.  Here's the clip that got me steamed.

http://kotaku.com/347350/keighley-sets-mass-effect-record-straight-or-tries-to

This needs to be preserved as a good example how NOT to make judgments and reviews.  Every single point they tried to make was wrong.  They made assumptions about the game based on what must have been one cut scene, and it's obvious that none of them save the video game expert had even touched the game.  Let's break the argument down. 

1) This game shows you full digital nudity.  FALSE!  There is only partial nudity, and when it does occur, it's quick moving side shots, not unlike anything you'd find on primetime TV now.  There is no frontal nudity.

2) The person gets to dictate what happens between the them, "if you know what I mean."  FALSE!  Well, what is it that you mean?  Do you mean pushing the X button to simulate pace and rhythm in a sex scene?  Ummm...pushing the Y button to change positions?  Ummm...pushing the B button to toggle views?  If that's what you're thinking your WRONG.  The sex scene is a cut scene that you have no control over.

3) The game is rated M for mature but critics say it's being marketed to teenagers and kids.  FALSE!  Face value.  It's rated M.  Look on the box.  Blood, Language, Partial Nudity, Sexual Themes, Violence, 17+  It's right on the friggin box.  This is meant for players 17 and older.  If you, mommy and daddy, don't want your kids to play it.  Then don't buy it for them.  If they decide to buy it on their own, then confiscate it if can.  It is your responsibility as parents to decide what your kids should and should not do.  That is after all what parenting is right?

4) The damage is that video games portray women as objects of desire, as being of no value other than their sexuality.  MAYBE!  I'll feign ignorance on this one because I am not a psychologist and do not know what the studies say.  However, in reference to the game, it's not like you meet woman and then get a room 5 minutes later.  In the game you actually have to develop the romance.  You have to talk, God forbid, talk to the characters and make a CHOICE.  It's not oh, who do I get to bone next.  Each love interest has her characteristics to consider before making the choice.  You DO NOT get to have a threesome in the game.

5) And it's a man in this game deciding how many women he wants to be with.  FALSE!  You can play as a female character and develop a romance with male characters.  Yes, for an alien species who can mate with either sex, a lesbian scene is possible, but only if you play as the female character.  I find it maddening that when asked if Cooper had played Mass Effect, she giggled it off as if she wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.  Obviously, she didn't bother to do some due diligence on how the game could be played.  I mean, God forbid that women play video games, and have sexual desires as much as a man does.  Umm....Cooper.  Do women have the same feelings and desires that a man does?  Do women objectify men in their own right?

6) Studies show that boys who play video games cannot tell the difference between what they are playing and the real world if they don't have a real experience.  OK!  So, you're telling me that if I see sex on video games, I wouldn't be able to differentiate that from sex in the real world?  I might buy that.  But....then again, by definition,  wouldn't I know the difference if I've had the real world experience?  You're telling me that if I look at a nice picture book of sex, I wouldn't be able to tell that apart from real sex.....even if I've never had it?  Well, even if that were true, isn't that stating the obvious?  If I don't have anything to compare things to, then I wouldn't know what is real and what isn't.  That just about applies to everything, not just video games.  So much for that study.

7) Adult only rating?  Once again, you've never played this game.  Atari, pinball and pacman?  Great games, but so is Mass Effect.  You've obviously stopped playing video games a long time ago.....or you've never gone to a Chucky Cheese, ESPN Zone, or Dave and Busters.  Old?  How about you catch up with the times hmmm?  Alright this last one was just outright Ad Hominem, but she had it coming.

I'm completely disgusted with these people.  Know your facts before you come to an argument.  It's funny to see the moderator "rescue" the psychologist by trying to deflect the fact that she's never played it, and asks the video game expert a psychological question.  Way to try to back up your gender there.  At least the moderator tried to do some research.  None of the other commentators apparently did. 

Did they know that you can play the game as a nice, moral character (paragon)?  Did they now that you can also play the game as the bad character (renegade)?  Did they know that there are dialog choices that need to be made associated with how you want to develop your character?  Did they consider the 30 hours or so needed to finish the main story line, and even double that to finish every side quest?  Did they realize that the "sex scene" does not happen until the end of the game?  Did they realize that little clip that was shown doesn't even happen if you don't choose the right dialog options?  Did they do ANY research before blasting this game? 

Not being able to work out is difficult....Yes, you heard me, NOT being able to work out is difficult.  Once you've gotten in the habit of working out, it sticks with you.  I do eat a lot, and with the holidays, I've been pretty much eating and sleeping.  So in that time, I felt like a slob.  In fact, the other day, I got up around noon only because I didn't feel like getting out of bed.  What was startling, was that I think I actually DO have to get 8 hours of sleep now.  Boo!!!  I've always been able to subside on less that that, but I think age is catching up to me....which brings me to my next point.

In a couple of weeks, I'll be 29.  My metabolism is supposed to slow down, so I have to keep up the exercise routine to compensate.  I say, live an active lifestyle, and you'll be able to keep the aging effects at bay.  Only thing is, the more you use your body, the more it deteriorates...or at least, the cartilage does.  Ah, the drawbacks of being mortal.  Oh well. 

I am finished!!!!! For now.  Let me tell ya, this was grueling.  Now that the written prelims are over, I promise to post more often.  I know that I've been slacking, so even if it is only a tid-bit, I will try to post something every couple of days.  Sounds like a New Year's resolution no?

I don't think I've studied this hard in my life.  I can only fit so much information into my brain....some of course which won't be there the following day.  I've got 15 days or so before I take the the prelims....and I'm starting to freak out.  Starting.....not full blown frazzled yet.  I still think I've got some time, but this means I won't be doing anything but studying for the next 2 weeks.  No parties....no going out....no R-ball....yes....even R-ball.  This is going to be hell, but hey that's what the 3rd year of a PhD program is right?